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A Paler Shade of Beige

A short reflection on alcohol, and sobering up. In the movie Smashed, the main character played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead admits that her recent sobriety has been somewhat anticlimactic, and that...

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They Will Get You in the End

I say fuck the children. Fuck ‘em. —George Carlin,  You Are All Diseased My sister was a tiny weeny little kid when she dressed Wicket, my BFF Ewok figurine, in Cabbage Patch Kids clothes, and...

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Send in Le Clown

“But where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns. Quick, send in the clowns.” Le Clown hasn’t left the big tent, my carnies—his traveling circus accepted a one day gig at The Official How To Blog,...

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Station to Station

The Sound of Mandolins By Le Clown. Mom sat on my bed, her eyes glassy, her breath drunk. She was smoking a cigarette and her body swayed to David Bowie’s Wild is the Wind. Love me, love me, love me,...

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Fuck That Noise

The artwork doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t even have to like it. As long as I’m working, I’m sane. —Stokely Rainbow In November of 2012 I injured my lower back. I have consulted general...

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Trips Through Your Wires

Sympathy for the Devil By Le Clown. Friends labeled our cramped and minuscule living room quaint and charming. Our furniture had found a way to live together harmoniously: my father’s recliner chair...

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Walkin’ With Jesus

This post isn’t about glamorizing and romanticising drug use. Drugs are bad. Don’t do drugs. — A message from Le Clown. Drugs are bad, did I mention that? I jumped straight into a pot of MDMA when I...

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Autopsy of a Blog Post

Yesterday I lived my first flop as a blogger, my very own personal Lone Ranger. I won’t call it my Waterloo, as it would imply defeat, and a defeat it wasn’t. I won’t tag it as a lemon, as I don’t...

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The Road to the Pharmacy is Paved With Good Intentions

The first time we met, it was out in the open. He took me away from the crowd, and sat me in a small cubicle. There was nothing suspicious about what he was wearing: a pair of jeans and a white shirt....

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